Monday

Monday was originally the second day of the week. It followed Sunday and Tuesday and marked the first day of the week not to be part of the 'weekend', also known as a 'weekday'. It fulfilled this role as the first weekday from 0 to 2016 when after the first week of January that year it mysteriously vanished.

The last known year where Mondays did not exist was 1996, but this was because Monday was instead named Africa following an administrative mistake on the part of famous beard Noel Edmonds. This instance came at the end of a record running streak of years including at least one Monday that lasted for one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six days. In 2015, David Bowie promoted his hopes that this record would be broken, only for the following year to disappoint.

Bowie questioned where Monday had gone in the lyrics to Girl Loves Me, the fifth track of his final studio album, Blackstar. He did not receive an answer to the query prior to his passing the Sunday after the album's release, coincidentally the day before the second Monday of 2016 was due to surface. 2016 instead jumped straight to Tuesday and has since that week skipped every subsequent Monday.

It is expected that September 2016, in order to make up for the absence of Monday throughout the three two quarters, will consist entirely of Mondays. The plan was put into place in order to create hype in the build-up to Shrove Tuesday of 2017. Jeremy Clarkson had funded a Monday farm in order to prepare for any further Monday shortages the world may face, though management of the farm was passed on to popular ginger beard Chris Evans after Clarkson kicked a Monday farmer in the face. Evans saw opportunity to re-structure the farm, and as of March 2016 its priority has been the production of Tuesdays. In an interview with the population of County Durham he stood by his debatable decision, adding that he fully expected the reinvented Tuesday format to be even more popular than the Monday he was replacing.

Evan's revamped Tuesday is expected to surface later in the week, on Thursday. It will feature more cheese comparisons than any other weekday.