Alan Roll Call

The Alan Roll Call, also known as Fuck Up That Bitch, Recycle GB!, is a theme tune written especially for Alan by the Bee Gees.

English
They're one, they're two, they're three, they're four

Alan's the one we all adore

No other Alans top our best

With our great Alan, forget the rest

All our Alan does is see

All exciting things and hear fuck all

His hearing aid whistles, defeaning all

Alan has no friends

Alan, he's the Geordie one

Alan, doesn't know when you're on the run

Alan, gives you feedback for your Blender bakes

Alan, lets you know when you're out of cake

Alan, really gives it all in bed

Alan, has a rather immaculate head

Alan, won't retweet stroppy tripe

Alan, only eats bananas when ripe

They're one, they're two, they're three, they're four

Alan's the one we all adore

No other Alans top our best

With our great Alan, forget the rest

All our Alan does is see

All exciting things and hear fuck all

His hearing aid whistles, defeaning all

Alan has no friends

French
Croissant, fromage, nom de plume

Je m'appelle bonjour, au revoir

Appearances (in order)

 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan and Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan's Coaches
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Alan
 * Sir Alan
 * Alan

Goofs

 * The vocalist sings certain lyrics incorrectly, such as &quot;Callan&quot;, &quot;Dalan&quot; and &quot;Sallan&quot; instead of Alan.