The Alan Chronicles

This is a story about Alan Seymour. Based on The Alan Series by the Reverend Alan Semyour, read aloud by me, Alan Seymour.



The History of the Alancyclopedia All great things have origin stories rooted in tragedy. We exist in a society where nothing is designed to last forever. Everything has being forgotten in mind. Temporary is the primary function. People purchase items online and forget about them instantly, only to be surprised when they are delivered, use them once and then never cast an eye upon them again. Music is so disposable that a track is machined on a melody lathe and handed around with intangible form, in order that the consumer enjoy it without the extra weight of a physical possession burdening their pockets, and soon that track exists as nothing more than a hook lodged deep in the heads of a distracted species. This is true also of the Internet - a maze of knowledge, and the information super-highway. Survival on the Internet is only possible through brief pockets of fame or, if one is lucky, a pulsating wave in and out of relevance. Few make it big on social media - those which make the biggest and longest-lasting impact will survive until the end of time in the form of snappy punchlines, viral images and nonsensical videos engineered for maximum distribution and longest halflife.

The fame of one such figure on the World Wide Web was unknown even to himself. Stories of his life were shared around the cyber-campfire, helping to keep the listeners warm and entertained. Alan became more than a man - he became immortal. His reach was endless. Idolised and enjoyed, he soon became envied and reviled. Those who once followed him as disciples wanted the memory of him erased from all forms of media.

The very nature of anything on the Internet would have made this relatively easy to do, were it not for the Seymouric historians working so tirelessly to preserve the legacy of the fallen hero. History has until now been preserved through tangible mediums - books, tapestries, paintings upon cave walls, and DNA encrypted within sedementary stone. With the advent of the Internet, society collectively assumed the history would be preserved for them - the digital knowledge would last forever, though no one expected to have to give the Internet that knowledge first. The world is gradually being forgotten as no one stops to wonder how the world will uncover contemporary history years down the line.

Alan's adventures, therefore, had to be deposited in a safe place upon the Internet - a digital stronghold, or a time capsule that no one wishing to disgrace the Geordie legend's name could possibly breach. It was a desperate time, and the Seymouric historians quickly made homestead in the first place they happened upon - the Sodor the Untold Stories Wikia. The natives were furious and begged the historians not to educate them with their Alan-ecdotes, but the historians were not to be deterred this easily. Very soon, the Sodor the Untold Stories Wikia became the largest database of all things Alan, and the Seymouric historians were proud of their efforts. Against the odds, they had managed to guard the prophecies from the non-believers.

Alas, it was not to be forever, as the Seymouric historians had foolishly assumed. One evening, when the historians were sheltered and those on sentry duty let down their guard, the facility was attacked by unknown persons. They sabotaged the servers in an attempt to destroy the sole surviving source of the knowledge. They set the annex ablaze and fled the scene, leaving the historians to slow the inferno's devastation on what little remained.

Still the Seymouric historians refused to be dissuaded from what they knew was right. Using whatever they had been able to recover - mostly textual records, as many photographs and artworks were immediately attacked and destroyed - they began to rebuild the database, electing this time not to hide within an established settlement but build their own domain upon which they would host the sacred texts. Thus, the Alancyclopedia was born, and may it continue to provide for future generations all there is to know about "the biggest meme you've never heard of".