Fresh Alan of Tyneside

Fresh Alan of Tyneside is a song written by Alan and sung by Alan. The song is about Alan's life.

It will possibly be included in the unknown second Alan album.

Lyrics
Now, listen to my story of grandeur and grace

Of my rise to school stardom through the use of my face

Though I can’t hear your answers

In you I’ll confide

With my story of an IT teacher from Tyneside

Near the Newcastle brewery a baby Alan was born

And Daddy Alan Sr gave to him his shiny brass horn

As I tooted and I hooted, all the girls would come ‘round

To listen to that kid Alan with his groovy cool sound

When a guy with bad hair and a taste for good grades

Came up and said I’d be a dank meme some day

I would take none of that, lad; I gave him what for

Showed him my Geordie fist and knocked him down to the floor

But when I left school another college approached

Said they had some IT students in great need of a coach

So I packed up my ‘aids and I shaved my head balder

Waved bye-bye to the Tyne and said hello to the Calder

First class, they make fun of my voice

And the fact that I don’t hear them, I don’t have a choice

I moved to this shithole when I gave up the Toon

Fuck… I hope I’m going home soon

But wait, I see a student and he’s hard at work

Not so much on his IT, more a classmate with some flirt

And a young girl

He thinks she’s alright

But he didn’t see coming the Fresh Alan of Tyneside

Well uh, his work’s marked, and they ask for my thoughts

I said “this kid is gonna fail the whole course if this shit ain’t caught”

So he comes back in uniform during his summer holidays

But I got the hell outta there when he got perfect grades

I hitchhiked back to Teesport and pulled out my old horn

Pet, that’s not a euphemism but, howay, it looked worn

Quick polish on my shirt and a blow on the end

I felt it all coming back, time to make some amends

So - I’m - there, leading miners on their annual parade

With no regard for my past life of destroying kids’ grades

I looked up to the brewery

The first sight in my life

And a brassy finale for the Alan of Tyneside

Link
https://soundcloud.com/user-302433908/stroppy_tits_png